The St. Louis Cardinals: A Fashion Tragedy
Hey guys, here we are with a special update of Fashion Tragedy. Crystal was all ready to get started on week eight, but I convinced her that we should do this instead. So, sorry if any of the twenty of you are disappointed. We'll be bringing week eight about a month or so from now, or you know, when we get around to it. We are hoping the next season won't suck so bad and make us want to die, therefore making these upadates more frequent.
Crystal and I have mentioned many times that we hail from the "biggest small town" in the US, humble St. Louis, MO. (or suburbs within it's proximity, but you get the idea) I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we've devoted quite a bit of time to acting like we are not from here, but neither of us can escape one geographical truism.
If you are from St. Louis, you love the Cardinals.
I'm not going to pretend like I know anything about baseball, or stats, or whether or not Tony La Russa is overrated or any of that bullshit. Cardinal games are my summer time back up station to be viewed during commercials. Or to be played muted in the background and be paid half attention to. I could give a shit about baseball, if it's not Cardinals, I'm not watching it. Just to make my crippling lack of knowledge clear.
We bring you a special Cardinals World Series edition of Fashion Tragedy. We have experience in making things up about baseball players, and will someday chronicle the adventures of Mrs. Todd Van Popple: Baseball Wife. (and Todd Van Popple isn't a Cardinal, but a Red, at least when we saw them play at Busch last year...also worst, funniest, name EVER)
We kid because we love. The fact that I can go to a game, pay $30 for a shitty seat, pay $12 for a 32 oz 3.5% near-beer, pay $10 to park half a mile from the stadium, and eat $7 nachos and not feel like I've been dry fucked up the ass four times bespeaks at least some small amount of genuine affection. So anyway, on with the show.
JEFF WEAVER
GINA: The best part about Jeff Weaver, aside from him suddenly transforming himself into a good pitcher, is that you can tell from one look that his favorite band is Metallica, that he owns more than on Sepultura album and has strong opinions about Iron Maiden. On this blog I have made several references to "that metal kid you were friends with in high school." In case you never had such a friend, I implore you to just imagine Jeff Weaver instead. Pitchers have tendency to look white trash, (see Randy Johnson) but Weaver looks like he runs a meth lab out of his basement, God love him.
YADIER MOLINA
GINA: Yadi looks like he just stepped off the set of The Little Rascals: A New Generation. A lot is said about David Eckstein looking like he's ten (thank you Joe Buck, for making me think you were drunk during game one when you pointed that out to the nation) but if that's true, then Molina looks about eight. Even his hat is slightly too big for him. Throw in that little grin, and you have the pluckiest pre pubescent to ever play major league ball.
SCOTT SPEZIO
GINA: Scott Spezio has done his best to try and make me hate him this post season. You know how earlier on I said I spent a lot of time pretending I'm not from St. Louis? This is a perfect example of why. I am very against dyeing your facial hair in general, and I cannot condone my city's adoption of it. I spend most of the game hiding my head in shame at the notion that people sport these facial atrocities without any thought to their pride or self respect. Why can't we adopt something cool, like Ronnie Belliard's new afro puff?(note: the puff is now a thing of the past, he's put the cornrows back in. I still love his entire attitude, though) That's something I could get behind.
SO TAGUCHI
GINA: I will admit to you right now that So Taguchi is probably my favorite Cardinal (Pujols aside, as a given) and yes it is because he's Asian. I can't explain it, but sometimes I get these stirrings of ethnic pride, even though he's Japanese and not Korean. And after game two of the NLCS I hope people will finally recognize him as I've always known him. So Taguchi: The Littlest Hero.
JEFF SUPPAN
Crystal and I have mentioned many times that we hail from the "biggest small town" in the US, humble St. Louis, MO. (or suburbs within it's proximity, but you get the idea) I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we've devoted quite a bit of time to acting like we are not from here, but neither of us can escape one geographical truism.
If you are from St. Louis, you love the Cardinals.
I'm not going to pretend like I know anything about baseball, or stats, or whether or not Tony La Russa is overrated or any of that bullshit. Cardinal games are my summer time back up station to be viewed during commercials. Or to be played muted in the background and be paid half attention to. I could give a shit about baseball, if it's not Cardinals, I'm not watching it. Just to make my crippling lack of knowledge clear.
We bring you a special Cardinals World Series edition of Fashion Tragedy. We have experience in making things up about baseball players, and will someday chronicle the adventures of Mrs. Todd Van Popple: Baseball Wife. (and Todd Van Popple isn't a Cardinal, but a Red, at least when we saw them play at Busch last year...also worst, funniest, name EVER)
We kid because we love. The fact that I can go to a game, pay $30 for a shitty seat, pay $12 for a 32 oz 3.5% near-beer, pay $10 to park half a mile from the stadium, and eat $7 nachos and not feel like I've been dry fucked up the ass four times bespeaks at least some small amount of genuine affection. So anyway, on with the show.
GINA: The best part about Jeff Weaver, aside from him suddenly transforming himself into a good pitcher, is that you can tell from one look that his favorite band is Metallica, that he owns more than on Sepultura album and has strong opinions about Iron Maiden. On this blog I have made several references to "that metal kid you were friends with in high school." In case you never had such a friend, I implore you to just imagine Jeff Weaver instead. Pitchers have tendency to look white trash, (see Randy Johnson) but Weaver looks like he runs a meth lab out of his basement, God love him.
GINA: Yadi looks like he just stepped off the set of The Little Rascals: A New Generation. A lot is said about David Eckstein looking like he's ten (thank you Joe Buck, for making me think you were drunk during game one when you pointed that out to the nation) but if that's true, then Molina looks about eight. Even his hat is slightly too big for him. Throw in that little grin, and you have the pluckiest pre pubescent to ever play major league ball.
GINA: Scott Spezio has done his best to try and make me hate him this post season. You know how earlier on I said I spent a lot of time pretending I'm not from St. Louis? This is a perfect example of why. I am very against dyeing your facial hair in general, and I cannot condone my city's adoption of it. I spend most of the game hiding my head in shame at the notion that people sport these facial atrocities without any thought to their pride or self respect. Why can't we adopt something cool, like Ronnie Belliard's new afro puff?(note: the puff is now a thing of the past, he's put the cornrows back in. I still love his entire attitude, though) That's something I could get behind.
GINA: I will admit to you right now that So Taguchi is probably my favorite Cardinal (Pujols aside, as a given) and yes it is because he's Asian. I can't explain it, but sometimes I get these stirrings of ethnic pride, even though he's Japanese and not Korean. And after game two of the NLCS I hope people will finally recognize him as I've always known him. So Taguchi: The Littlest Hero.
GINA: And finally we bookend with another pitcher, Jeff Suppan. Suppan is awesome because he looks like he should be the manager the Olive Garden in Maryland Heights. Seriously, can't you see him in a tie, aplogizing for the crappy fettuncine and comping your meal? If a player ever looked like he is from the city he plays in, it is him. He is the Magni of the Cardinals. Nice, talented, and boring as shit.
Alright guys, Crystal got tired, so it's just me. A sort of lame post, I know, but eh, what are you gonna do? Better than nothing, right?
Let me just end with a very sincere, GO CARDS!
gina
Alright guys, Crystal got tired, so it's just me. A sort of lame post, I know, but eh, what are you gonna do? Better than nothing, right?
Let me just end with a very sincere, GO CARDS!
gina
I was in St. Louis on Thursday and spent three hours that afternoon in Lambert surrounded by people in Cardinals hats and jerseys and it pissed me off for some reason. I'm not even a baseball fan. But I heard they won, so congrats, I guess.
As always, loved the blog. Appreciate any reason to read a new post here - thanks!
Regards,
Sid Van Popple
Posted by
Sid |
October 29, 2006 7:16 AM
Great to see a new post!
Posted by
Anonymous |
October 30, 2006 4:56 PM
Post a Comment