Rock Star: A Fashion Tragedy

We have heard.
We have heard the sweet call of victory growing from the faintest of whispers to the loudest of shrieks.
She has lost the battle.
Ding motherfuckin’ Dong, the Witch is dead.
We have won.

We found the pinprick entryway into the seemingly impenetrable thick skin of Ellie Mae Aitken and she has abandoned her post as the fashion “expert” of Rockstar and hopefully with it, abandoned all hope of trying to form naive fashion pupas to her infamously, tragic mold. We have completed our job.

It is possible, of course, that she left of her own volition and never even read our blog decimating the choices du fashion. She may have felt as though her job there was done and it was time to move along, like the Jesus of Nazareth of bad fashion. She may have felt her services had now exceeded the paltry wage of six figures Mark Burnett Productions was offering her for a second season. Al l of these are possible, but to Gina and I, and hopefully our readers, we’d like to take most, if not all the credit. That bitch is gone because she sucked and we brought it to her attention.

Hopefully she’s sitting on her couch watching reruns of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 while eating buckets of fried chicken and mashed potatoes with her hands and mumbling something about how fedoras were once the most majestic of all headgear.

You may think our work here is done. You may think that we have brought the demise of our sole hate and can now retire on our laurels in the south of France reminiscing of days gone past and all the poor defenseless victims we rescued with the simple weapon of internet blogging. If only! We succeeded once, we can do it again.

The thing about rockers is that outside of music, most don’t have a clue about anything else. (Some don’t even have a clue about music, but let’s not get into that.) They will be formed. They will be convinced. They will be coersed into the most vile of clothing for the sake of a “theme” or “ratings.” And we will be there, in the dark corners, laptop in hand, ready to attack.

We hold three truths to be self-evident:
1. There will be a new fashion expert on Rockstar.
2. He/She will suck.
3. Our blog will continue.

We hope to see you all for the new season of the Supermistake, Supernova; and we hope that the announcement that Ellie Mae will not be returning will not keep you from reading about our mission of protecting fashion victims everywhere. We will continue only as long as you care!

Posted by Please Stop, Ellie Mae on Saturday, May 20, 2006 at 11:27 AM | Permalink